Spurts and Stalls; Sparks and a Flame

What Not to Write. In every made-for-teen-girls cinematic adventure, there’s a makeover. New girl shows up, and popular ringleader-girl says, “Who IS that?!” The camera pans to a doe-eyed waif who looks lost. She’s got flattish hair, a bare face or too-heavy makeup, too-little definition of her waistline, and what could be a mustache. But as an experienced moviegoer with a sharp eye for detail, you can tell: “This girl has hotness potential.” After posting my first-ever blog entry, I learned that this same sequence of events can also happen when you see “yourself” in print, too. Hold on tight, it’s about to get kind of intellectual-y and really Jesus-y up in here confusing.* Spoiler Alert: It's only when I realize that a hot blog is more about being true to myself than appearance [....so that can I blossom into the girl that can get the attention of the cutest boy in school (who also looks much older and hotter than any normal high school boy)?-- Whoa! This is a head-scratcher that will need it's own entry].

Spurts and Stalls; Sparks and a Flame. Every time I’ve tried to compose a new entry, I’ve been the literary equivalent of a wet log.  At first glance, the promise of warmth seems guaranteed, and I’m overwhelmed with hope that I will become immortalized in some blogger-equivalent of the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Yet, when I attempted to ignite my inspiration, I was unable to make anything but steam and a soggy smell. I couldn’t figure it out… I did everything I was supposed to! I portrayed myself as honestly as I could! I tried to paint a complete picture! I promised to be genuine!

In order to overcome the creative firewall (this metaphor is nothing but embers, but I’m on SUCH A ROLL! It’s so wrong, and I can’t stop), I immersed myself in research— it’s my go-to tool for excusable, highbrow procrastination. I read blogs. I read articles about bloggers. I read blogs about writing blogs.

A Complex Individual. I had (have?) a vision of writing humorous life lessons from a Christian perspective. I’ve often thought of Faith and humor as mutually exclusive and am incredibly annoyed by the notion. I feel now more than ever though, to my dismay and disappointment, that I might've been right. Writing labeled Christian doesn't seem to include the negative, nor the vulgar aspects of the Human Humor Condition (Hu-hu Con).** It’s like there are all of these half-people that don’t gossip, don’t cuss, don’t complain, and don’t fail. But it also makes sense, which sucks even more! is discouraging. Once you write something you know is “not a good Christian thing to say,” you feel compelled to delete it. It’s probably because “the power of Christ compels you!” See?! Even The Exorcist is trying prove my point. I’m incredibly ashamed that Linda Blair would even cross my mind at a time like this, when I want to be respectable and serious…. But I feel even douche-ier pretending like it didn’t just happen.

The Christian blogs and books I’ve read have funny elements here and there. BUT, they are all written by this character that is not only relatable, self-aware, and honest, but is also never inappropriate. We’re not talking LOLs, here. “Christian funny,” as I know it, is more like POL (“Puhh” Out Loud).  I do have the good sense to edit in such a way that I’m not a total blemish on my religion. But in doing that, I feel like a complete fraud. My stream of consciousness is an endless laugh-followed-by-guilt loop.***

I’m not asserting that that Christian writers are humorless, intentionally deceitful, or pious by editing out their BS more colorful commentary. But I am saying that it’s like there’s an unspoken rule that if you proclaim your Christianity, you kinda have to edit out your spiritual immaturity when you recognize it; OR just have a blog that’s secular and call it a day.  

The Narrow Road Ahead. That’s a bunch of words up there, but I think it’s an interesting paradox (“Admit felonious/fatal/unbecoming flaws…. but don’t put them on display for Pete’s Sake!”). Being saved is my all-time favorite thing and God’s grace is what I’m most thankful for. I’m too excited and grateful and overwhelmed by God’s work to ignore it in a public forum just because the rest of me is a hot mess not thoroughly refined. I got trapped somewhere between wanting to be an authentic writer with entertainment value and writing from the Christian perspective that I ‘d prefer to portray (dress for the job you want!). Henceforth and a fortnight, I’ll write as if to pretend they are the same person. Cue the Makeover Montage!

*Today’s strikethrough text is intentional…and is brought to you by the letter “R.”

**I made this up, but I'm pretty sure it's a real thing, and when shortened, it sounds scientific and threatening, like H1N1. 

***A side-effect of Hu-hu Con.